Welcome from Mary!

Welcome you beautiful beam of light!  I am so proud of you for showing up.  Untangling from a narcissist takes WORK folks!  It takes TOOLS!  It takes constant repetition of positive messages and TRUTH.  Your truth has been altered by someone outside of yourself who has used you as supply.  You aren't going to be perfect at loving yourself or returning to sanity after all that nonsense.  It takes a while. Like a baby learning to walk, you're going to wobble.  You wouldn't beat up a baby for wobbling, so don't beat yourself up for wobbling.  You just find your footing and get stronger by practicing. It's time to find your own truth and own your shit. Uh oh...you have to own your shit!  Are you ready?  I know you can do it!  I've had to do it!  I'm nothing special...just a mom wanting to send my kids a better message....we do that by what we CREATE and what we DO, not by what we say.  So let's lock arms and get through this. I'm really proud of you for showing up.  In 6 months you'll look back at your life and it will be different.  In 12 months you'll look back and you will be so glad that you started this journey and stuck with it.  Yay you!   

About Mary:  I typically resist labelling myself, as Soren Kierkegaard said, "To label me is to negate me." However, for the purpose of painting you a picture of the possibilities, I will acquiesce to my own rule.   I hope it impacts your faith in yourself to heal and thrive. 

I prefer to create my own reality, and not focus on the circumstances or labels...but here we go....

I am a mom and grandma.  (I don't mind those labels.)   I have a degree in Philosophy and Music Theory that I achieved at age 37 as a single mom.  I am a life-coach and business-coach.  I am an entrepreneur and an ordained minister.  I am a professional event manager and professional network marketer.   I am a singer. I am an empath and healer.   In particular, a Reiki Master-Teacher, and essential oil enthusiast. 

Sounds all groovy, huh?  It's a journey folks. 

I also survived intense mental, physical, sexual and emotional abuse at the hands of narcissists, I am the product of an affair, didn't meet or know about my father until I was in my early 20's, I am neurodivergent, have CPTSD, Celiac Disease....um.....that about covers it.  There was narcissistic abuse in my household and it continued throughout adulthood.  I attracted one narc after the other and got the whole gamut of narcissistic tactics to navigate and tear me down and distract me from my self-worth and self-care. 

I am a neurodiverse woman. This is very new for me to share-but like I said, I'm making an acception to my labeling rule here.  I grew up hyperlexic, taught myself to read books and music, and read my set of 1954 encyclopedias over and over...which gave me a terrible sense of what the world was really like...lol. At age 8 I had a job in my neighborhood teaching children from India how to speak English, and I wrote them each their own phonics book.  Their parents all paid me well.  I also babysat at the same time...and because I was trained to be OCD by a narcissist, the parents of the children I was babysitting for would come home to a spotless home.  I mean, DEEP cleaning occurred.  They paid me well as a result.  It was 1978-80 and I was making $40-50 anytime I did anything for anyone...and I handed that to a narcissist in my house that taught me nothing about money.  I was fascinated by pianos, typewriters, trains, and took every alarm clock and television in the house apart. (My kids, and now my grandkids, have had to endure the Transportation Museum with me for decades now.) 

I have misophonia. Hearing certain noises causes me anxiety.  I got piss shivers just writing that sentence.  Even hearing REO Speedwagon has the same effect, but I think it's just because they shouldn't be played on the radio any more.  As a child, I spent a lot of time "grounded" to my room sometimes 1-4 weeks at a time. Sometimes so that no one would see the bruises, but all of that time in silence. At age 16 I had my step-father arrested for what would be the last beating he gave me when he found out I was pregnant.  Child services was involved and the police took lots of pictures of me naked and it was completely humiliating and scary. It wasn't the end of the abuse in this toxic family, but it was the end of the beatings from him.  I was banished to the basement without food; I left home 2 weeks later.  I've been on my own ever since.  From 17-24 I worked as a manager at a grocery store and because of that whole hyperlexia thing, memorized the check cashing card numbers or lottery numbers of the regular shoppers. I am gluten-intolerant and if I have gluten, symptoms of autism are more pronounced...such as I find it even more difficult to look people in the eye, I stutter, and I'll  have short term memory problems, I become less flexible emotionally, more rigid with daily habits, more light sensitive than my normal, my impulse control diminishes, it's difficult for me to read more than a few words and I start at the bottom of the page and go up for some reason, I say what others are afraid to say very easily, and I cuss a lot more. I'm the one at the party who walks away for a bit to be by myself typically....under a gluten-attack I don't go to the party.  A majority of this simmers down for me with a strict gluten-free diet. The combo of all this and being a child of a narcissist was a prescription for disaster...and for CPTSD.   I was very literal and easy to point out if someone broke a rule....like lying.  A parent could be beating me and I would continue pointing out why it was inappropriate to beat me....which prolonged the beating, thus 1-4 weeks in my bedroom silenced.  I was called "mouthpiece" often instead of my name, because I didn't have impulse control over what I said, and was quick to point out the obvious or the truth. As you can imagine between trauma, neurodiverse traits, and an excessive amount of abuse, I've had to come up with a lot of hacks, tools, and develop skills to thrive anyway.  My adulthood has been full of parents ghosting me and triangulating me, and attracting one narc friend or partner after the other.  I was a narc-magnet! I've had to face one fear at a time, and hone one new skill at a time. On a daily basis I have to remind myself numerous times to look at someone when I'm talking to them. The reminder in and of itself causes me anxiety. I've had to be easy and nice to myself about stuttering.  I use a lot of tools I have in place to help me and my brain get through...essential oils, supplements, breathing techniques, chiropractic care, massages, Reiki, and psychotherapy, journaling, and coaching. 

Between birth and 21 years old there was a tremendous amount of abuse in all forms. At 22 I checked myself into a hospital for an eating disorder and to start recovering from all the abuse.  I had been raped the year before, and bottomed out with the eating disorder.  I had started drinking a lot that year.  It was a good time to check into a hospital for 2 months.  I gave myself that gift.  I am proud of that brave young woman for doing that.  Luckily I had really good insurance.  Of a $67,000 bill, all but $2000 was paid.  The clinic loved my progress and offered me an opportunity to share with people my story at events like The Working Women's Survival Show, in lieu of paying that $2000.  I took it.  It helped lots of people.  It was scary, as public speaking wasn't my bag, but helping people was. So I did it. Scared to death of public speaking...but I got through it.  I got a taste at these events at how powerful a recovery story could be, and how it impacted folks.  I've continued sharing my journey with folks in a variety of ways ever since....to include creating this site. There are many more symptoms and much more trauma, but I think you should be picking up what I'm laying down by now. Just know this....it is a fucking onion to peel for sure. If you keep moving forward, you never stop growing and you will amaze yourself. 

So, hey, if that fucked up mess can own her shit and reclaim her life, so can you! 

I am really good at deliberately manifesting and creating...sometimes that takes a negative turn, and sometimes it takes an amazing positive turn.  I'm learning how to control this more and it's getting pretty delicious.  Come to find out, we get to choose which direction things go in.  I'll teach you more about that as this site grows. 

Most people who meet me for the first time take me as an extrovert.  I am not.  I've learned to be sociable and learned the art of conversation through various leadership positions and personal development.  I'm an introvert.  I require time by myself. I meditate twice per day, I ride my bike, and take walks daily.  All solitary activities.  But I do like to laugh with friends and family. I am witty and I have witty friends. 

As a child and still today I am fascinated by music theory, trains, various vehicles, photography, industrial design, and writing. I own a print shop and am a leader in a network marketing business with a focus on wellness. I cuss a lot, I pray a lot, and I ride my bike a lot.  

I'm a survivor of abuse just like you.  You're going to be ok. You are loved. You are worthy. You can rebuild just like I continue to.  It's a decision. Self care is a choice. YOUR life should be made of YOUR choices. Soon it will be.  

Today people typically view me as helpful, impactful, inspiring....so they say....most people would not know what I've been through or how I am wired. That took a commitment to healing and to a therapist and to a coach and to reading tons of books and to self love. It starts with you. 

OMG...I feel like I should copy all this over to my Tinder profile.  (Just kidding. Inappropriate.) 

What up with this site?   I started this site when someone I love (the only person I don't mind hearing pee, the person who taught me to love myself better, and the only person I don't have so much trouble looking in the eye) was hoovered by a narcissist.  He abandoned a circle of friends who loved him well, and slipped into survival mode...ghosting all of us suddenly. Not a judgment....just the facts, Jack.  Narcissism is an evil condition that destroys.  No one gets out on their own.  It takes a village. I started this site to sort out this subject, to heal myself, to give myself a voice, and I hope it reaches him some day and helps him reclaim his authentic life.  In the meantime, it can help you and I to do that. WOO!HOO!  Winning! 

We all need to lock arms and get through it together. The topic of narcissism has touched my life since I took my first breath. I feel compelled to reach out to the tribe and help my fellow man and woman in any way I can. 

This site is an act of self-love and self-care, as well as an act of love for all of you who are suffering and feel hopeless.  My wish for you is an authentic and peaceful life...but I'm here to tell you, that takes some work.  Are you ready?  Can you do a little work everyday to reclaim your valuable life? 

Roll up your sleeves and start taking care of yourself. Woo!  You can do this!  

Be sure to subscribe to this page and you'll receive my Self-Love Worksheet. It's free.  You'll dig it.